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APHORISMS/EPIGRAMS/WISECRACKS/+book
and story
titles and invented words
17 January, 2002 (begun entering as document from notes) [1st edition,
as of 24 February, 2008]
Bob McGrath
I make no apologies for any of this. Some you will find amusing, some
"wise", some
offensive, some silly, some cynical, some contradictory and some
puzzling. Fine.
It's all fun and nonsense. Obviously, I love to play with words and
ideas.
The consideration that some occurrences
might be bad (undesired /undesirable)
makes us miserable while we bring them about by our resisting them.
It is said that he who hesitates is
lost....and it is true: he hesitates because he is lost.
How do we kill ourselves?
Let me count the ways.
The most common form of government these
days is Hypocracy.
Drugs are the last, desperate,
disastrous entertainment.
When in doubt, supererrogate.
You can't get there from here---when you
get there, you are still here.
How to judge and monitor the quality and
quantity of your own work:
How
good and how abundant would you expect it to be, if you
were the recipient? (Can you be sure you are not?)
A history of human knowledge: "Let's
see, how can we sell......"
I wonder where the time went?
The same place it came from.
Resorting to violence indicates mental
and spiritual bankruptcy.
Critics and fools are a dime a million.
How about the French alcoholic who was
Absinthe-minded?
(Correct) practice makes better.
I'm studying to be a quantum mechanic.
What was it that you wanted me to forget?
A politician is someone who with silvery
(or brass) tongue tries to convince you
that
he's not screwing you and that it's for you own good, anyway, while
screwing
you for his own purposes.
The only sure safety device, method,
practice or program is for the individual to
be alert and in present time.
Failure to communicate is the root of
all evil.
You can borrow yourself into a hole, but
you can't borrow yourself out.
Where there's a will, there's an heir.
I wish wishing worked.
Any way you look at it--it's a blessing.
Misery tends to repeat itself.
There are some who feel that the
double-entendre should be classified as cruel and unusual
pun-ishment.
Some years ago, the Volkswagen Rabbit
could have been called the Bug Bunny.
Competence should be seen and not heard.
Those things happen every twice in a
while.
Welcome to tomorrow.
This is our future.
A ruin with a view.
Life in the hereinafter.
The tourer of less evils.
The Golden Pariah.
Book title: You're Dead and This is Hell.
To belong to a minority group it is only
necessary to confine your observations to those things
which less than a majority have in common with you.
There are two views in regard to
totalitarianism and regimentation, etc.:
1. For it.
2.
Against it.
Those who are in favor of it think of it
as only applied to others, not to themselves. They may
want to use it or see it used for
others, but they would not advocate its use on themselves.
Bureaucracy is a failure of
management. Labor unions are a failure of labor. Both are
parasitic
pressure groups advocated and served by the lazy and incompetent in the
interest of security in their laziness and incompetence. A
business ideally
consists of a symbiotic relationship
between management and labor, not warfare.
In this universe, the tendency of all
things is to reach a state of balance, stasis, or equality.
Left
alone, it all runs down. Whatever motion, change, or activity
occurs must be caused. (Some
things, like galaxies, take longer than others).
There are four kinds of people in the
world (arranged according to their value):
1. Clever
and honest. (Ethical)
2.
Unclever and honest. (Ethical)
3.
Unclever and dishonest. (Unethical)
4. Clever
and dishonest. (Unethical)
The wealthy are 1's and 4's, the poor,
2's and 3's. 4's exploit and suppress 2's, 3's, and 4's, and
1's if possible. 1's
contribute to the survival of 1's and 2's, and indirectly and
unintentionally to
3's and 4's.
They were engaging in "linguisticuffs".
It might be good to invent a weapon of
mass construction/instruction which, instead of
killing, makes politicians, bureaucrats,
priests, and other salesmen and bullies into people.
Beware of Dog caca.
Signs of the times:
Caution:
this truck makes wild turns!
Caution:
bored on board.
Reversed
Parking.
No
Exit 3 miles.
None at
this price.
Caution:
cell-phone abuser on board!
How could I possibly be
driving? Call 1-800-BEATSME.
What problem is this a solution to?
Message pad in office: "While
you were asleep..."
The world is a machine which shows you
what you are thinking and deciding.
Life is a matter of life and death.
Blessed are those who know not for they
will be able to look and see.
AI: Artificial Intelligence.
AS: Artificial Stupidity.
"Lest we remember...."
The bite of the flumble bee.
Grownups are just adulterated children.
Skeptic tank.
Let us question everything and look
instead of thinking.
We are all prostitutes of one kind or
another.
Discover the wide, wild, wonderful world
of present time!
There must be some sensible alternatives
to police pursuits.
Did Man start to develop tools after he
lost his inherent abilities, or did he develop tools as a
substitute for using his inherent abilities?
The rarest commodity in this world is a
FACT.
I'm here! I'm me! I'm me and a half!
And I'm here to make you people laugh!
"Best used before Hell freezes over."
Where would you hide Eternity?
In a place no one would look.
In the present instant!
Isn't that where we always are, no
matter how hard we try to avoid it?
Every human thrust triggers its human
opposite.
Sex is the root of all evil.
Without it there would be no jealousy, envy, greed, war, violence,
adverlying, conflict over goods, food or land, no shortages---except of
people.
Government is the result of the
accumulated irresponsibilities of individuals.
He is suffering from
cerebropetrosis. (This could be translated as rocks
on the brain.)
CAS: Computer Assisted Suicide.
Blind side economics.
Book title: Cheat Your Way to Temporary
Success and Other Half-Baked Essays.
I hear about contagious disease and
sexually transmitted disease. Why not contagious health
and sexually transmitted health?
Keep it down to manageable sighs.
The direct way is best.
Sometimes.
People want to be, or at least to feel,
more alive.
Body sitter service--for those OBEs.
The appropriate response is to LAUGH!
Is there anyone you haven't forgiven?
Caveat Emptor Company --- If you're not
satisfied it's your own damn fault. Our money
back guarantee: We guarantee we will
never give your money back.
I believe there is such a thing as
negative intelligence.
So that if someone was given a brain and
a half, he would then have half a brain.
(Not that the brain has anything to do
with intelligence.)
Welcome to California -- No Smoking!
Ours is the "Throwaway Civilization".
Wake up, please.
When people "die" they all go to the
same "place". How they have lived, what they have
"learned" and decided and thought makes
that "place" seem to be either heaven or hell.
The Gnab Gib theory of the origin of the
universe.
Drive skillfully.
How to get revenge on everybody (or
drive them crazy) -- be a happy puppy always.
"America is confronted with
insurmountable opportunities." -Winston Churchill.
It's not so much what you say;
It's what you have.
It's not so much what you have;
It's what you do.
It's not so much what you do;
It's what you are.
It's not so much what you are;
It's what you aren't.
Notice: To promote
suffocation, keep this bag near babies and children. Use it
in cribs,
playpens and carriages. This
bag is a toy.
Notice: The Sturgeon General
has determined that tobacco is one of the five food groups.
Consuming several servings a day will promote good health.
Join the Society For the Promotion of
Nonsense Outside of Washington.
Darwin called it the Descent of Man --
and it has been downhill, all right.
In this moment is the beginning and end
of my life.
You eat what you are.
Life is what is; pain is resistance to
what is: resistance to life.
Those who can't confront not knowing
solve the discomfort by believing.
There's plenty of time as long as you
don't hurry.
Common, ordinary, every-day,
run-of-the-mill, garden-variety miracles.
Satire is difficult in an age which
contains so many grotesqueries.
If you can't perceive, you have to
believe.
Art is its own reward.
What does this world need?
Enlightenment.
What does this world want?
Stuff and nonsense.
Never put off until today what you can
do yesterday.
Cheer up -- It's only life!
Someone said, "How old would you be if
you didn't know how old you were?" To which I
would add, "What time would it be if you
didn't know what time it was?"
Gun control, or goon control,
or self-control?
The guardian of the woods is asleep.
Shhhh!
Computer chip cookies?
Microchip cookies?
Toxic chip cookies?
Buffalo chip cookies?
A brief history of Man:
1.
Transpires. 2. Respires. 3. Requires. 4. Inquires. 5.
Aspires.
6. Perspires. 7. Desires. 8. Admires. 9. Acquires. 10. Inspires. 11.
Conspires.
12. Sires. 13. Retires. 14. Mires. 15. Expires.
If you would like to speak to a robot,
press 1; If you would rather have your nails pulled out
than listen to this recording, press 2;
If you would rather be surfing, press 3; If you have a
wrong number, press 4; If this is a
crank call, press 6; If you want to leave a message,
wait for the (beep).
Children are people with small, growing
bodies on whom parents (and other adults) exercise
their fantasies, insanities and
inadequacies. Oh, and teach baby talk to.
The most beautiful thing is a cognition
--- a moment of realization.
We change politicians like we change
underwear -- and for many of the same reasons.
Is this universe an intelligence test?
Two mistakes can be made:
assuming that you are enlightened; and assuming that you are
not enlightened.
Redundancies:
Government interference.
Police
brutality.
Crooked
politician.
Hate
crime. (compare Love crime)
Oxymora:
Conventional wisdom.
Military
intelligence.
Truth in
advertising.
Chemo-therapy.
In any stagnant society, the scum tends
to rise to the top.
Then there is the germ theory of health.
Illness is caused by a deficiency of bacteria.
I trust the government (any government)
to try to make a slave or a corpse out of me to
achieve their (who knows what?) ends.
Some people are exhibitionists, while
others are inhibitionists.
Mind is a mirror of creation.
Creation is continuous in now.
One person's dream is another person's
nightmare.
If some people are conspiring to have
theories, are they then to be called "theory conspiricists"?
Laugh, or else!
Maybe it's enough to just BE.
The dark side of the farce.
The United States Marine Kazoo and
Tambourine Band.
The Archbishop of Controversy.
"Achieve Perfection In 21 Days Or Your
Money Back!"
If people were playing the game of life,
they wouldn't be interested in watching others play
the games of death.
Life is a full-time job.
The biggest problem in the universe: How
do you really kill someone?
The Twentieth Century has been the most
important century in years.
Happy rebirthday!
Make $500 a week! Work at home, stuffing
elephants!
The Mad Cow Restaurant and Steak House.
"God takes and takes and takes away
everything that is not God until there is nothing left that
is not God." [from "Souls" a
story by Joanna Russ]
Cheer up! Enjoy being dead while you
can. When you come back to life, you won't have it
so easy.
What is could be something else, but it
ain't.
Let's learn ancient Roman mathematics,
kids!
Did you hear about the sorcerer who did
not know how to spell?
To believe is human, to observe is
divine.
Think diffident.
The "War on Terrorism" is like the
"Wars" on cancer, poverty and drugs---it addresses only
the symptoms. Or pretends/claims to.
Great minds run in the same circles.
It ain't necessarily so; it ain't
necessarily not so.
Concerto #0 for piano, no hands.
Federal Reverse Notes.
The world's primary lesson:
"Be afraid!"
Mean little kids and madmen rule the
world.
The first person to compose computer
music was C. P. U. Bach.
A wise view must be a wide view.
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought I had a wrong
number.
There is a fine line between philosophy
and philosophistry.
Killiosity cured the cat.
The land of the spree and the home of
the grave.
They tell me I'm dyslecix. Do you think
they're right?
The search for Prester John is on, or is
over....
Are you a toxic waste dump? Do
you "watch" TV? "Listen" to talk
radio? "Read" newspapers?
The difference between the wars among
nation states and the gang warfare
in the cities is that there is no police force pretending to control
international conflicts.
The U.N. is a kind of multinational Kiwanis Club.
The clock struck zero....
A sweeping panorama of bullshit.
The star sprinkled banister.
We who are about to die, salute you
(with the bird), oh mighty emperor asshole.
All you have lost is a dream within a
dream within a dream.
A world wallowing in technology.
Expelled by the Guardian of Eating.
Bach's Magnificent Magnified Cat.
Your money back if not disappointed!
Book: The Path to Endarkenment.
My ambition is to have no ambitions.
Meet the inventor of the cricket.
Happy New Minute!
Most writing is creative fiction.
The Rubber Mat of Omár
Kháyyám.
The Man Who Sued God.
Anarchy is that brief period between one
tyranny and the next.
Do it just for the zen of it.
Where do we come from here?
Some world "leaders" deserve a medal for
meddling.
I remember learning something once. I
don't remember what it was, but I
remember learning something.
Governments always prefer slaves to
citizens.
I voted once with my body, but we lost
the election.
Don't ever argue with an ostrich.
New word: unanimosity.
He ended up with ego on his face.
Let's all be third world countries.
Q: What's it like, being an idiot-savant?
A: Huh?
Owner's Manual for the Epiphany
Generator.
Ought-to Biography...
The rain of brains goes quickly down the
drain.
Hard of hearing; hard of seeing; hard of
being.
The pig meeting in the sky.
Las Vegas: toxic wage dump.
History repeals itself.
The horrible whore of war.
"And now, reporting dead from the
obituary desk....."
Don't jump to collusions.
Making the world safe for billionaires.
Have a politician or an attorney for
lunch today. (How to feed
the world.)
Is Man the only species that laughs?
What is the hound of one sland capping?
Help! I'm trapped in a propaganda
factory!
Defenestrate Windows!
I've been listening to Schubert's
Unfinished Symphony for years.
A way with words/away with words.
Hi! I'm a religious fanatic!
Neither a leader nor a follower be.
Life is just one damned decision after
another.
Pictures at an Inhibition.
Journey From the Cinder of Earth.
Sidestepping death is not an option for
Homo Sapiens. This is
one good reason for being something
higher than Homo Sapiens.
The War on Pizza.
The war on humanity; the war on life.
How many light bulbs does it take to
change a moron?
Constantly reborn in present time.
sHe committed pseudocide.
On the verge of virginity.
The great Roman emperor Quarentus
Lugubrius.
If you're not happy where you are, you
won't be happy
where
you're going.
People are not consistently good or bad;
they get some things
right and make mistakes about other
things.
It took an act of congress to get us
together.
Look, stupid---or look stupid.
7% perfect.
YANRNA--yet another non-recursive
non-acronym.
AEDS--Acquired Efficiency Deficiency
Syndrome.
The following program has been canceled.
Don't be a whine-a-holic.
What's the difference between
Theoretical Physics
and
Science Fiction?
Strike while the irony is hot.
He bit off more than he could eschew.
___________________________________________
ambidextrous
-----------------------------both handed
levodextrous
-----------------------------left handed
dextrodextrous
---------------------------right handed
monodextrous
----------------------------one handed
homodextrous
----------------------------same handed
retrodextrous
-----------------------------back handed
curtodextrous
-----------------------------short handed
prestidigitodextrous
---------------------sleight of handed
omnidextrous
-----------------------------all handed
predextrous
-------------------------------before handed
postdextrous
------------------------------after handed
nondextrous
------------------------------clumsy
____________________________________________
In the Jaws of Creation.
Cemetery sign: "Do not inter"
The laws of soupline and demean.
An optigon is a hopeful or an ideal
geometric figure.
The optigon lever is part of it.
"Chosen people" always choose themselves.
Concerto for piano, two left feet.
It was a day like any other day: unique.
My inferiority complex is superior to
your inferiority complex.
The Tower of Galactic Perfection.
I bring the sadly eclectic!
To be safe, always wear a conundrum.
San Luis Abysmal, CA.
"The eleventh commandment: THOU SHALT
SHUT UP AND LISTEN"
-Ray Bradbury in One for His Lordship and One for the Road
Forgive me Father, for I should have
sinned.
Sour visions of God tweaking the
universe.
I am a fragment writer in a world of
sentences, paragraphs, chapters, and volumes.
Up, pup, and away!
What is needed is a redistribution of
the pollution.
The wit and wisdom of Yorick
Passé.
If you are really living, you are
running full-tilt toward the grave.
I heard of a new wind, a string of
turtles, and screaming silence.
Die Kitsch und Sinken Simphonie.
Computer: an electronic device for
making most people feel stupid
and for making a few people feel smart.
Who is the king of Wimpdom?
Do you ever think of Moses in diapers?
The apparency of Homo Sapiens: He's
born, he wiggles for a while,
then dies, sometimes leaving behind some
debris. What's missing?
...playing Bach's keyboard music as best
he can on the banjo....
"If you don't have a dream, how ya gonna
have a dream come true?"
-song, "Happy Talk"
The world is faced with incremental
excrement.
All together, now, let's laugh at the
government!
The universe is raining things, and
you're in poverty?
...news of the elections and other
disasters....
How to be a philosofool.
...a "bare bones" funeral....
A radio talk show host characterized
himself as a member of
"the chattering class".
FUDocracy.
(Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt)
I am neither a Gliberal nor a
Cornservative.
If soporific is the adjective and noun,
then is the verb soporify, or
soporifize, or soporificate, and the
perpetrator a soporifist, or
soporifizer or a
soporificator?
Government is just another unaccountable
corporation.
Homework starts at home.
Talk radio: noisy dead air.
Windows
super-cali-fragile-istic-XP-halitosis.
The artist was so shy that he held an
inhibition of his paintings.
The Nazi Concentration Camp Weight Loss
Diet.
A parade of potential political lunatics.
Chocolate chimp cookies.
My strongest languish is Englage.
Hippopotamouse.
A surgeon with an itchy scalpel.
"Be kind to your forfeited friends."
-John Brunner in Stand on Zanzibar
Do you realize how many people are
injured every year
trying to open packages?
Life as a hobby/hobbyhorse.
The Paradise Paradox
I intend to start the Intergalactic
Anti- "y'know" Society.
The 3 Rs: Roaming, Rhyming and Rhythm
tricks.
The medical, pharmaceutical, food and
insurance complex.
He's moving to the slumburbs.
Nothing ventured, nothing lost.
Headline: PRESIDENT LAUGHED OFF THE
STAGE OF HISTORY!
All mainstream religions have been
hijacked, and art and science
have sold out.
Life is God playing with himselves.
Over one copy sold!
A man stumbles over his own decisions.
These are the Dark Ages, before the dawn.
Urgent project: teach lawyers and
physicians to speak English.
Please leave your Social Security number
at the beep, and I'll
get back at you.
Floor tile with cockroach design.
"Serving Christ since 1000 BC."
After all is sad and dumb.
The dreams that stuff is made of....
Problem: how to lose something that you
never had or that never existed
(except in imagination).
It's a wog-eat-wog
world.
(worthy oriental gentleman)
He needs a prosthetic head.
A cockroach farm?
A sandpaper beach?
Concerto for violets and orchids.
An acquaintance or friend is an
ex-stranger.
It's all in your imagination that it's
all in my imagination.
The Monument to Pretended Knowledge.
An Opinion Pine...a tree or a yearning?
To defecate is definitely deafening.
If we lived before and before, are we
all ex-saints and ex-stranglers?
...but that's another story. Once upon a
time....but that's two other
stories. Once upon a time....but that's
three other stories....
A national day of moroning.
Who is this Lord No
Swat? ("lord knows
what")
It all happened in one swell fluke.
Last words: "This should be very
interesting!"
Ali Blah-Blah, the Persian talk-show
host.
Dying is a cop-out.
30- day free trial -- at the courthouse.
When God got lazy.
The end at the light of the tunnel.
What an awful-ternative!
The Time Fool
It's not my default!
He had an
ominition. (ominous premonition)
The Preachers of Crometheus by Teebhoven.
As hot as dragon snot.
The Arrest of Jack
Williamson (late science fiction writer) (book
title?)
Professor Shining Crisp.
Wake up to a higher dream.
A fine-couthed poem.
Give God a break. Do it
yourself.
He said we said they said....
The Day and Night of Desperate Serenity
Insanity is a satire of sanity.
Mother is the necessity of invention.
Invention is the mother of necessity.
The egg has come home to roost.
Zen tries to startle out of the box by
paradox.
Alexander Borodin's Ragtime Band.
Out, damned snot!
Cancervive.
blue breeze
ventriliquiz
A Model T Ford with a spoiler?
The shadow is at cause over the man (or
object).
The Prankenstein Monster.
You have too many "can't" in your rants.
Ode to a Grievous Urge
Ode to a Gracious Curve
Man is the only species with a tale.
The blessing/curse of.....
Cats don't laugh.
Ghost-skin boots -- lighter than a
feather!
Heartless love.
Improper shutdown detective.
Blossoms growing on the poem tree.
Who polices the police? Who
governs the government?
All advertising should be "on demand".
Idolizing the idle.
From LSD to LDS (and back?)
Smack dab in the milieu.
Professor Flogaduck.
You can ignore the ignoramus.
The Elegant Christmas Elephant
Just below the surface beauty, love and
intelligence are barely hidden.
Exit depot to infinity.
Corpse convicted of committing suicide -
receives suspended sentence.
The Debugging of
Science (I have a
book called the Science of Debugging)
Q: "Is the alarm working?" A:
"Deafeningly."
Radio station KPUQ.
Ninety percent of man's activities are
dedicated to getting others to do it.
Time strike.
Attack of the Brain Sponges
Earth is My Gravestone
The reform of medicine would be
approached if practitioners received payment
only for a good result. The reform of
psychiatry would be approached if the
practitioners were to first receive
their standard treatments.
Hoaxus Pokes us, money-chango!
Looney Tombs Funeral Home &
Cemetery
mere frantic design
Terse recursive curse in cursive verse.
gossamer hooks
a hair from the tongue of....
The cannibal who was a vegetarian-arian
or a vegetarianivore.
A Chilling Garden of Verse
The Chilling Hour
For a digital photographer you've got a
lot of negatives.
User hostile software.
Life is a near-death experience.
What happens to the Grade B milk?
Nebula Obbligato
The Laundry Tree
Plutonium
stew. (boils itself)
agile, dancing thread of oboe
(name), loser of the Nobel Prize for
(field) for (year).
The Endless String Quartet
.
A stray ashtray.
Jocular chip cookies.
My computer has a Mau-Mause. Or is it a
Mao mouse?
Transparent green ceramic rooster.
The Moaners and Whiners Annual Index
We filled Phil full to full fulfillment.
Why did so many people pray for the dead
Pope?
Were they afraid he would go to hell?
Cancer dancer.
...mistakenly kisses Narcissus.
A weariness of turds.
Let us creep hour seance of gloomer.
Scientist: someone with an axiom to
grind?
Covert arrogance.
We saw Esau by the seesaw.
Is Hell on the road to Heaven?
Helpless Corpses Enactment
Gossipocracy
Shuffling random memoranda.
A Corny Island of the Moon
Parallel parables.
Mad frog's dad.
The Holy Mackerel Church of
God or
The Church of the Holy Mackerel
rainscape....trainscape
In the troth of tooth, by troth!
In the tooth of truth, by troth!
In the truth of tooth, by troth!
In the troth of truth, by tooth!
golden honeycomb
...words to set men dreaming....
Sneakocracy.
Dr. Sarah Brum, brain surgeon.
Dr. Medulla Oblongata, Arabic
neurologist.
Gluteus Maximus, Roman emperor.
All wrongs reversed. (compare
All rights reserved)
Philoscoffical / philoscoffy.
City Zen for citizens.
The 500 pound gorilla may dream.
Abstruse caboose.
Anomalous frigate.
The moribund shell of civilization.
"Healthcare" is just another scheme to
make the rich richer.
Image: nested puppets (each
puppeteer is himself a puppet)
We are all do-it-yourself gravediggers.
Don Quicksox by Michael Decircumvent
Sawavagrant
The addict's autobiography was his
"Magnus Opium".
People get loud and violent when they
have run out of ideas.
The Clue Book (for people who don't have
a clue) (could be a series....)
Meta-writing: saying with
words that which "cannot" be said with words.
A familiar saying is, "A picture is
worth a thousand words."
Equally true is, "A word is worth a
thousand pictures."
The Mischievous Messiah.
When he arrived he was a provisional
person.
The eternal wagging of the pterodactyl's
tongue.
The Saint James Reformatory Blues.
In the Old West, men wore "peacemakers".
Now they wear pacemakers.
Are you sure you want to jump off this
cliff? ?OK
?CANCEL
Citizen of the polyverse.
If all motion ceases at absolute zero,
would we have negative motion
at a temperature of 500 degrees below
absolute zero?
"That photograph looks just like a
painting."
Capitalism: greed at gunpoint.
Socialism: sharing at gunpoint.
The educated eye sees what the innocent
eye does not.
The innocent eye sees what the educated
eye does not.
How many are looking for the Endless
Weekend?
What is the purpose of purpose?
Headline: ALL DEAD AS FIRE
ENGULFS UNIVERSE!
Is there a global concentration camp in
our future?
Why is assisted suicide by a physician
vilified, while assisted murder
(execution) is approved for a physician?
Caution: psychiatry may be hazardous to
your physical, mental and spiritual health.
Concerto for wind and silence.
Things I never said.
New improved Fact-free news!
The National Association for the Culling
of Advanced People.
The thwartation of folly.
The search for terrestrial intelligence
Mad Scientist's Disease.
What did you think before someone told
you what to think?
Just say, "Yo".
Just say, "maybe".
Government is the utopiate of the people.
Worry tomorrow.
You are never happy when you are
wondering if you are happy or trying
to discover how to be happy.
All your prayers are answered. But
prayers are in the heart, not in words or
bowed heads. So take care, take care.
Phone message: "I went out
looking for myself. If I return before I get back,
keep me here until I arrive with myself.
That way, I won't be alone. Otherwise,
leave a message after the sneeze."
I came running from miles around to find
the center of the universe. It was
here all the time, in eternity.
Those who can, do: those who can't,
teach; those who can't teach, teach teachers;
those who can't teach teachers, become
critics; those who can't criticize, become
attorneys; those who can't attorneyize,
become politicians; those who can't
politicize, become marketing executives;
those who can't marketize, become
psychiatrists; those who can't
psychiatrize, become their patients.
My God, is it present time already?
What makes you think that things are not
going the way they should? Maybe
you don't see the overall plan.
Avoid the snare of thinking that because
a condition is "good" or "bad"
that it will remain that way.
How about a seeing-eye giraffe or
rhinoceros?
Fat-free lard.
Soon we will have nutrition-free food.
Did you know that some people are in
sects?
What's your excuse?
Give me $37.50 in hundred dollar bills.
As futile as studying to be a chicken
dentist.
There lived in the swamp a private
investi 'gator.
Test question for a happy
life: "How would you like to come back and live
through it all over again?"
I seem to think, therefore I seem to be.
"I'm conducting a survey. Anything you
say will be used against you."
Say, do you remember when we were in
that MEST universe?
Wasn't that something....
Book: Complexity Made Simple
Book: Memoirs of an Amnesiac
The rubber yam of Homer's kayak.
The Babble Hymn of the Republicrats.
Politics (as practiced on this planet)
is the art of bringing
a civilization to its knees.
Expectorate the unexpected.
Are you optimystical?
Slogans mislead the lazy.
Gibbous disdains our daily dread.
Victims don't have any fun.
Are fireflies getting in your hair?
Platitudes form a puddle of
pusillanimous pus.
Laminated lamentations.
Pigs with tricky noses.
Revengeance is urine; or Mayan.
The War to end all Peace.
The Age of the Gimmick.
Democracy -- government by "dem" (not
us).
Wisdom lost in the midsts of time.
Mandatory madness.
Computer assisted/enhanced/crippled
bureaucracy.
Holy water vending machine.
Crop formations: let the
skeptics make just one as good.
The ultimate hubris: Mankind referring
to itself as Homo sapiens.
Time after time machine.